SATURDAY 22ND NOVEMBER GENTLEMANS LUNCH & ENGLAND V SOUTH AFRICA ON BIG SCREEN
12PM start 3 Course Lunch Malcolm Lord Compere Steve Daley (Ex Man City/Wolves) Speaker ENGLAND V SOUTH AFRICA All profits to hrufc centenary fund £25 Per head contact Baggzy to book place - tickets to be paid for by mid-october 07721 385704 or email firstname.lastname@example.org
MESSAGE FROM CAPITAN FOSTER-MCBRIDE
Firstly I would like to publicly thank Paul Giblin for the passion & commitment that he has dedicated to the Extra C over the last 30 years.
His brother David has also been a stalwart of the team & all his efforts are gratefully acknowledged.
All I can say is that I feel very honoured & privileged to have the Captaincy of such a legendary team bestowed upon me & I promise to do my damnedest to ensure that the highest possible standards are maintained in the future.
As it quite obviously worked for England in 2003, I am adopting a similar strategy to that of Sir Clive. I aim to surround myself with experienced personnel to feed off, as well as some “younger” minds to bring in fresh ideas.
My main role will be ensuring that we have 15 men for every game (now there’s a novelty) & that we are fitter, faster, more powerful & skilful than ever before? Friday Evening training sessions in the Flyboat will be mandatory unless a note is forthcoming from a Doctor or a member of the Senior Management Team.
My proposed management team structure is:
Paul Giblin – He will be asked to take a position upstairs as Director of Rugby & I would like him to be assisted by David Giblin. I suggest that their brief be to look at long term recruitment strategies by way of developing an Extra C “Academy Team” thereby ensuring the long term future of the Extra C.
They will also be asked to provide motivational support to both the senior management & playing staff, as their track record in offering praise & encouragement to all is legendary. No doubt we could all talk at length of the experience we have had of their motivational input over the years. Because of their warm & friendly relationship with Senior Club Officials they will also be asked to look at building even closer links to the club & finally they will hopefully conduct all contract negotiations with players old & new with the same frankness & impartiality that they have shown over the years.
Here is my wish list for key positions within the management structure.
Keith Bradley – Because of his successful election as Vice President of HRUFC, Keith will hopefully continue to nurture the ever improving relationship between the Extra C & the “Old Farts at the club.
Alan “Himy” Ellis – No doubt he will ably assist me in the smooth running of the team. He will be in charge of fixtures & general administrative duties & because of his religious tolerance he will be responsible for recruiting personnel from other ethnic minority groups & mentoring them in the ways of the Extra C.
James “Jimmy” Giblin – I will ask James to be responsible for Student Recruitment because of his close links to academia. His role will involve producing players who although younger in years can somehow lift their game to meet the fast, open & flowing rugby for which the Extra C are renowned.
Zin-Zan Sykes – Will be approached to continue in the position of “Social Secretary” whilst doubling up as specialist kicking coach & gout prevention manager. He may also be asked to act as a tour manager to referees because he loves telling them where to go.
Jack “SC” Thomas – Will be approached to fill the position of genital hygienist & team get -away driver once he gets his licence back.
Ibbo – Will be asked to fill the position of motivational mentor. He is renowned for his optimistic glass half-full sort of approach & nothing is impossible, we’re all simply DOOMED! Also because of his close links with the Retail Trade he will be responsible for negotiating deals for half-time oranges & bottles of sherry.
Inch – Will hopefully continue in his duties as Team Poet & Literary expert as well as being responsible for the supply of heavily discounted white goods to the boys & their families.
Rod “like a lion” Ledgard – Will be asked to fill the position recently turned down by Mike Tyson as our Anger Management Consultant & Marriage Counsellor, as well as being responsible for the safe disposal of the Christmas Tree at the Flyboat.
JJ – Will be asked to take up the reigns as the Team EATING Engineer & nutritionist as well as chief Ironside’s double when required. Well TB does wheel him around everywhere.
John Taylor – Due to his calm & even tempered demeanour towards team mates, opponents & officials on the field he will be offered the position of Diplomacy Coach & Communications Manager.
Johnny Gobshite – Will be offered the position of reconnaissance officer where his main task will be to go into the opponent’s dressing room pre-match & talk to them until they too lose the will to live. Also, since the news of his impending fatherhood he will be asked to look at putting together a Paternity Leave package for would be fathers in the team.
Captain Kenyon – Apart from being the lifelong guardian of the dogs bollocks trophy will, because of his excellent time keeping hopefully be appointed as the team punctuality & time management consultant if he can arrive on time.
Tim Porter-Tonks – Will become the Ann Summers agent & charged with getting the best deals for players for sexy new rugby gear, as well as the all year round tanning expert.
Talboys – You’ll all agree that TB has done a stirling job in the setting up & running of the team website so he will be asked to continue in this role but he will also be asked to continue as JJ’s chauffeur, as so he tells me, that’s the only way he gets a game.
Father (play me at full-back!!!) Ted – His exploits & experience in talking things up will help undermine our opponents & scare them into submission therefore he will hopefully be appointed as our Propaganda expert.
Grolshy – Health, lifestyle & everything in moderation Guru. A bit like Carol Caplan does for the Blair’s.
Mike Forte – Will be appointed as drugs Tsar following his memorable exit from a match due to overdosing on laxatives.
Bagzy – Will be team legal expert because of his skill involving framing people. (Saved the best until last!)
If I’ve missed anyone out it’s either because they are out of contract or more likely too old & knackered.
Dale Foster-McBride – Capitan (not captain, as there will only ever be one CAPTAIN!) 2006-?